Last summer, a friend on my dock renamed their boat. We needed a ceremony that properly deflected the bad juju that often comes with a casual re-christening. What we also needed was as many unpronounceable deities as possible.
This is not original. I stole liberally from several online examples. Wikipedia also helped with the names of many of these gods.
NB: We could not find a virgin to pee on the bow, but the father of an infant on the dock jumped to the rescue with a wet diaper.
Oh mighty and great rulers of the seas and oceans, to whom all ships and we who venture upon your vast domain are required to pay homage. Since man has taken to the seas, we have always recognized your dominion. You sometimes accept our pleadings of mercy when we call out for Poseidon, Neptune, Kumugwe, Tiamat, or Gong Gong.
And so we implore you in your graciousness to expunge for all time from your records and recollection the name (Insert the old name of your vessel) which has ceased to be an entity in your kingdom. As proof thereof, we submit this ingot bearing her name to be corrupted through your powers and forever be purged from the sea.
(At this point throw a coin taken from the boat into the sea.)
In grateful acknowledgment of your munificence and dispensation, we offer these libations to your majesty and your court.
(Pour at least half of the bottle of Champagne into the sea from East to West.)
Oh mighty and great ruler of the seas and oceans, to whom all ships and we who venture upon your vast domain are required to pay homage, implore you in your graciousness to take unto your records and recollection this worthy vessel hereafter and for all time known as (Insert the new name you have chosen), guarding her with your mighty arm and trident and ensuring her of safe and rapid passage throughout her journeys within your realm.
In appreciation of your munificence, dispensation and in honor of your greatness, we offer these libations to your majesty and your court. (At this point, one bottle of Champagne, less one glass for the master and one glass for the mate are poured into the sea from West to East.)
Oh mighty rulers of the winds, through whose power our frail vessels traverse the wild and faceless deep, we implore you to grant this worthy vessel (Insert your boat’s new name) the benefits and pleasures of your bounty, ensuring us of your gentle ministration according to our needs.
(Facing north, pour a generous shot of rum onto all the records removed from the boat.)
Great Boreas, Mictlanpachecatl, Ya-o-gah, exalted rulers of the North Wind, grant us permission to use your mighty powers in the pursuit of love and lawful endeavors, ever sparing us the overwhelming scourge of your frigid breath.
(Facing west, pour a generous shot of rum onto all the records removed from the boat.)
Great Zephyrus, Cihuatecayotl, Da-jo-ji, exalted rulers of the West Wind, grant us permission to use your mighty powers in the pursuit of love and lawful endeavors, ever sparing us the overwhelming scourge of your rabid breath.
(Facing east, pour a generous shot of rum onto all the records removed from the boat.)
Great Eurus, Tlalocayotl, O-yan-do-ne, exalted rulers of the East Wind, grant us permission to use your mighty powers in the pursuit of love and lawful endeavors, ever sparing us the overwhelming scourge of your contrarian breath.
(Facing south, pour a generous shot of rum onto all the records removed from the boat.)
Great Notus, Vitztlampaehecatl, Ne-o-gah, exalted rulers of the South Wind, grant us permission to use your mighty powers in the pursuit of love and lawful endeavors, ever sparing us the overwhelming scourge of your scalding breath.
We light this pyre so you may breathe our humility in the face of your great strength. We ask for you clemency for (new boat name), knowing she has given up any prior pleadings for your mercy.
(Light the rum soaked documents.)
And to all the other immortals who roam the waters, deep and cold, we offer you a reminder of our mortality. And so we offer up a token of our fertility as a reminder that we are fragile wanderers in your world and mean no malice.
(A virgin pees or pour the virgin’s pee on the bow of the boat.)
For now (name of boat) is part of the dominion of the sea.
(Uncover the name, raise a glass and say) (name of boat) seeks the forbearance of the gods.”
The audience replies: “Forbearance.”
(Unfortunately, we didn’t record the entire ceremony but this is much of it.)